There’s a quiet battle so many women fight daily: the struggle that no one else can see but you.
It’s the feeling of not being enough, the fear that maybe you don’t measure up, the endless comparisons that leave you feeling small.
Maybe you’ve looked in the mirror and picked yourself apart.
Maybe you’ve silenced your voice in a room full of people because you weren’t sure if what you had to say mattered.
Maybe you’ve settled… Settled for less than you deserve in friendships, relationships, or opportunities because deep down, you weren’t sure you deserved more.
If this feels familiar, I want you to know that you are not alone, and you are not broken.
Low self-esteem can make you believe that confidence is for other women, the ones who seem to have it all together.
But that’s not true.
Confidence is something you can build, one step at a time.
This isn’t another list of vague advice. Every tip in this post comes from real women.
Women who have struggled just like you, and found ways to rise above self-doubt.
These are practical, genuine steps that can help you start believing in yourself again.
The Back Story
When I first decided to write this post, I was out of ideas on how to write or go about it. I did a lot of research and I found thousands of posts that gave tips and shared ideas on how to build your self-esteem.
However, I didn’t want to take the route of having to do all the talking. I wanted you to understand that you weren’t alone in this.
I decided to check several forums and see the bits of advice they gave. That made me stumble on this question and it resonated deeply with what I want to achieve out of this post.
In this blog post, I will share with you 13 pieces of advice from real women who speak on how they got to build their self-esteem so high.
13 Genuine Ways to Build a High-Self Esteem
Building self-esteem takes time, but small, intentional steps can create a lasting change. Here are 13 ways women found helpful to their journey.
Act Like You Do
As a reply to the question asked in the Reddit forum, a user gave a stunning reply I find very helpful and relatable to anyone on this journey.
As that user rightly stated, self-esteem isn’t something you wait for but something you choose, even when it doesn’t feel real yet.
I understand that it might sound strange but imagine waking up tomorrow and deciding, just for one day, to act like a woman who truly believes in herself. What would she do? How would she speak? What would she say yes to?
The key here isn’t to force confidence but to take small, intentional steps.
Wear the outfit you love but feel hesitant about.
Speak up in conversations, even if it’s just one extra sentence.
Apply for the job, and ask for a raise.
Act as if you already deserve it, because you do.
At first, it may feel like pretending, but over time, these small choices shift your mindset. People will notice. You will also notice.
Confidence isn’t something you wait to have but something you build one decision at a time. And one day, you will realize you are not pretending anymore. You are simply being the woman you were always meant to be.
Accept Yourself
No one is perfect and so are you. Even those you feel are perfect also have their flaws. This user explains the concept of accepting yourself and how it plays a role in helping build your self-esteem.
One of the most powerful things you can do for your self-esteem is to accept yourself. I don’t mean accepting yourself as a project to fix.
No!
I mean accepting yourself as a person worthy of love and kindness exactly as you are.
That doesn’t mean you stop growing or striving for better, but it does mean you stop fighting against yourself.
Think about it: there’s only one you in this world. No one else will ever have your exact thoughts, your heart, your experiences, or the way you light up a room when you’re being your true self.
You don’t need to fit into someone else’s mold or prove your self-worth. Your existence is proof enough.
A big part of self-acceptance you can embrace now is to change the way you speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. The small habit of speaking kindly to yourself both in your head and out loud creates a shift.
Over time, that voice of self-criticism quotes, and in its place, a softer, more compassionate voice emerges.
Stop Comparison
If there’s one thing I learned from my dad, it is that ‘Comparison is a thief of joy’ and I am glad another user understands this as well.
Comparison is one of the fastest ways to drain your self-esteem. It tricks you into believing that everyone else has it better, that you’re somehow falling behind, and that your struggles are unique while everyone else is effortlessly thriving.
But here’s the truth: no one has a perfect life not even those who seem to.
Social media makes it easy to believe otherwise. You see the highlights, the successes, the carefully curated moments.
But what you don’t see are the quiet struggles, the insecurities, the heartbreaks, and the battles they fight behind closed doors.
The reality is that everyone has these moments.
Instead of measuring yourself against someone else’s best moments, shift your focus inward. Recognize that you are seeing yourself up close, flaws and all, while you are only seeing others from a distance. Be kind to yourself in the same way you would be to a close friend.
You are not behind. You are not less. You are human, just like everyone else. The more compassion you give yourself, the more you will start seeing your worth not in comparison to others but simply for being you.
Empower Yourself
As Michelle Obama rightly said ‘There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish”. I would like to add ‘There’s no limit to what you can accomplish as a woman when you empower yourself.’
This user shares how empowerment can help build your self-esteem.
Building your self-esteem is about actively choosing to empower yourself every single day and not just about you feeling good. If there’s one thing I have learned in life as a woman, it is that confidence doesn’t just appear overnight. It is something you cultivate by surrounding yourself with things that lift you rather than drag you down.
One way to do this is by feeding your mind with empowerment. Listen to songs that make you feel strong.
Read books that remind you of your worth.
Spend time with people who uplift you and walk away from those who make you feel small. Your environment has a powerful effect on your self-esteem, so be intentional about what you let in.
Another power habit the user recommends is affirmations.
Write down everything good about you and the qualities you want to embody. Keep the list handy and repeat them daily, reminding yourself of your strength when self-doubt creeps in.
Even the most confident women often have moments of doubt but the difference is they don’t stay there. They lift themselves, again and again. And so can you.
Nothing Wrong With You
This user’s comment is one unconventional piece of advice I love. Oftentimes, we move about thinking there’s something wrong with us when in reality, this is just life playing out.
The real message you should get out of this comment is ‘self-ownership’.
There will always be people who don’t like something about you but that’s their issue, not yours. Instead of molding yourself to please others, focus on what you love about yourself.
When you realize that no one else has power over your self-worth unless you give it to them, you take control of your life.
True confidence and self-worth come from knowing that you are enough, exactly as you are, and refusing to let anyone else dictate how you see yourself.
The Five-in-One Piece of Advice
This user took things a step further to give 5 pieces of advice she found helpful for her journey.
I’d love to summarize all she said. Build your self-esteem by speaking kindly to yourself—no negative self-talk, only uplifting words. Surround yourself with supportive people and don’t tolerate unkindness.
Let go of overthinking because most people don’t notice small mistakes. And most importantly, be okay with being wrong as being wrong doesn’t define your worth.
Invest Time Wisely
Another practical approach you can take to build your self-esteem is to invest your time wisely. Here’s what another user had to say about this approach.
One thing I would love you to understand is that how you feel about yourself is deeply connected to where you invest your time and energy. If you pour all your effort into people and activities that drain you, you will feel exhausted, unfulfilled, and even unworthy.
However, if you choose to spend your time on things that lift you, how do you think that will make you feel?
Start small. Pay attention to what makes you feel good like those hobbies that spark joy, people who genuinely care for you, and moments that leave you feeling fulfilled.
Now, do more of those.
Also, recognize things that drain you like the conversations that leave you doubting yourself, people who make you feel small, habits that add stress instead of joy. Let those go.
You are not obligated to keep anything in life that diminishes your light. You deserve to be surrounded by things and people that make you feel valued, happy, and at peace.
The more you choose to invest time in what nourishes you, the more your self-esteem will naturally grow.
Challenge Yourself
Think about it, when last did you give yourself a challenge and you stuck by it to ensure it was complete? Here’s what this user had to say about challenging yourself and how it also helps build your self-esteem.
Stepping outside your comfort zone is one of the best ways to build your self-esteem. Every time you take a risk, no matter how small, you prove to yourself that you can. And when you succeed, that feeling of accomplishment stays with you, making it harder for anyone to shake your confidence.
Start with small challenges like speaking up in a meeting when you’d normally stay quiet.
Try a new hobby you’ve always been curious about.
Go to an event alone and meet new people.
Apply for that job even if you don’t feel 100% ready.
Each time you do something that scares you, you collect proof that you are capable.
And if someone tries to bring you down? Remind yourself of everything you’ve already achieved. Their words will feel small compared to the strength you’ve built.
Be Self Aware
Everyone including me, has their strengths and weaknesses. Are you aware of yours?
Here’s what this user has to say about being a self-aware woman and how that can also contribute to building good self-esteem.
When you are self-aware, you recognize both your strengths and weaknesses, and instead of being ashamed of them, you embrace them knowing that growth is possible but at your core, you still like who you are.
The confidence that comes from being self-aware makes you resilient.
In life, you will meet toxic people who will want to tear you down, but when you truly know yourself, their words lose power. You stop measuring yourself against others and instead focus on becoming a better version of who you were yesterday.
Being self-aware also means allowing yourself to feel the good days, bad days, and everything in between. You don’t try to run from your emotions instead you face them with healthy coping strategies choosing activities, relationships, and habits that nurture you, and in doing so, you build an unshakable foundation of self-worth.
Kill Social Media
If you are struggling with low self-esteem due to social media, you may likely need to put certain measures in place to check that. This user outlines how she navigated social media and built a healthy self-esteem she is proud of today.
This may be a sign to you that you need a break from social media too.
Only One You
No one on earth is like you. So cheer up. Here’s another solid tip from a user.
External Validation Doesn’t Always Count
Here is a valid piece of advice I feel we miss sometimes.
For many women, self-esteem is tied to how others see them. If people praise us, we feel good. If they criticize or ignore us, we shrink. But real, lasting confidence comes when you stop letting outside opinions dictate how you feel about yourself.
Think of Cinderella. She was mistreated, overlooked, and unappreciated. But she never stopped believing in her kindness, her worth, and her dream.
Yes, that’s a story but the lesson here is, you don’t need anyone’s permission to feel good about yourself. You don’t need proof from others that you are worthy.
Believe it first, and eventually, the world will have no choice but to see it too.
Building Self-esteem is a Journey
Here is a piece of advice or rather tip I have for you: Having or building high self-esteem is a journey.
It isn’t about reaching a final point where you always feel confident and never doubt yourself again. It’s not a task you complete and check off a list. Instead, it’s a lifelong journey of learning to trust, value, and love yourself even through life’s ups and downs.
Some days, you will feel unstoppable. On other days, self-doubt might creep in. That doesn’t mean you have failed. It only means you are human.
The key is to keep showing up for yourself, even on the hard days. Keep speaking kindly to yourself. Keep challenging negative thoughts. Keep making choices that honor your worth.
Your self-esteem is like a muscle. The more you work on it, the stronger it gets. But just like any muscle, it needs regular care and maintenance. There will be setbacks, but every step forward no matter how small makes a difference.
You don’t have to be perfectly confident all the time. You just have to keep going. Keep believing that you deserve to feel good about yourself because you do.
